TRUTHS ABOUT PARENTING
– A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
– A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
– A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
– A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
– An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
– Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
– Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing
– Celibacy is not hereditary.
– Familiarity breeds children.
– For adult education, nothing beats children.
– God invented mothers because he couldn’t be everywhere at once.
– God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
– Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your
– Having children will turn you into your parents.
– If a child looks like his father, that’s heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that’s environment.
– If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit
down and look comfortable.
– Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
– Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
– It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate
– It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll
know as little as their parents.
– Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
– Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
– One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too
– You can learn many things from children… like how much patience you have.
– Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
– The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob
also turns to the left.
– There are three ways to get things done:
1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it
– There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
– Those who say they “sleep like a baby” haven’t got one.
– The best thing to spend on your children is time.