Funny and Wacky Quotes. Really hilarious.

 

Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have film.

You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won’t expect it back.

I like work.  It fascinates me.  I  sit and look at it for hours.

If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

My Son ~ Eman.

My kids never seize to amaze me , especially Eman. His self confidence seems to have got a real boost ever since he joined BILD. Thank fully. His teachers, classmates and all seem to just adore him. Sometimes,  I feel he would be best suited to an acting career. He has a natural flair to act,  he is so confident on stage and his expressions are simply marvelous when he is in a play.

It amused me beyond measure when last week, as I went to pick him up from school. He had a bandage on his knee and he was limping. With a broad smile he began explaining just what had happened. His teacher peered out and explained too and said, that while they were dressing his wound, instead of crying, his humor got the best of him, and he asked,” Is this the end of my career ?? ” His teacher couldnt help herself and was laughing away too.

 Last thursday he got a merit certificate for being the most well behaved and obident student in his class. He proudly exhibited it around to us. When I told the same to his father in the evening. Sam was beside himself. He not only had him stand on the table but asked us all to clap for him to encourage him. This little brat of mine, bowed down several times before us before showering us with flying kisses and said very theatreically : 

 ” Oh thank you, thank you, thank you  …………Your very kind…………….. I have no words to say “

  Needless to say, Sam and I, exchanged glances and broke into a big laugh !! What do I do about this little fellow !!