How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?
I think the toughtest trial that I had in our marriage was when I was carrying Eman five months. I was diagnosed with a complication termed Placenta Previa. Its the worst situation a pregnant mother can be in. I had Bilal who was just 3yrs old, Sawaab was barely 5-6 months old and already I had been admitted twice to the hospital due to excessive bleeding.
Bilal attended Nursery school in Mankool and we managed to keep Sawaab at Matilda’s house at Gold souk for the day. She obligded because she knew we had a difficult condition at our hands but … I was restless, in agony. My precious little baby of 5 months was left at the mercy of someone we barely knew but surely trusted, strange how that sounds !!
I remember while I was in the hospital, I worried and worried about Sawaab and Bilal endlessly. I was prescribed complete bed rest and occasionally when I’d stroll past the ward and briefly meet the other patients. It would be a ritual to ask the new comer why they were there and what was wrong. I met a pakistani female who had very high blood sugar and had lost a previous baby who was a still birth. These are times that we realize that the world is also full of couples who cant conceive inspite of their best efforts and treatment. This girl religiously followed her diet and probably had a sugar count more accurately monitored by herself than the nurses.
Compared to her, I was a wreck. I’ve always been a junk food freak and never really concerned too much with my appearance or what that food did when processed inside me. Her heart fell off when I told her my medical condition and she quized why I was so bothered about the children at home and not at all worried about the life inside me. I remember telling her very promptly that the children outside were my responsibiity becos Allah swt had already got them in this world thru me, but the one inside was Allah swt’s problem. If “HE’ willed, my feotus would survive and if it was in my best interest, he would’nt. My faith amazed her. At that point, it wasn’t really my faith, thinking back, I feel it was simply a maternal instinct to be with her young ones.
That time, was a time, I also understood, where my relatives and friends stood and what their limitations were. It took me many years to forgive them and perhaps one day, I might even forget it. But for now, it is still fresh.
Sam used to visit me briefly becoz he used to keep both my little precious darlings waiting ‘alone’ at the entrance of the hospital with only the security guard who would casually look after them. He had made it very clear that babysitting was not his responsiblitiy which I completely agree with.
I urged the doctors to release me but they were very adamant that it would be a suicidal mission to let me go. I persisted but in vain. The doctors know best and they knew that in my condition, resting was the best precaution. the damage was already done and all they could do was to keep me going till the baby was ready to come…. but I did’nt realize that … or perhaps I was in denial. The idea was to keep me in the hospital till the baby arrived …. for 3 onths in the hospital !!!!! I missed the boys so much. I felt quilty. I felt anguish. I felt some how I was being punished. And most of all I felt helpless. I was caged and all those whom I cared for the most were suffering becoz of me.
Finally the last straw, on the 5th day, early morning, sam arrived in the morning and as much as he did’nt want to tell me, he said that Sawaab was very sick .. I must have been sitting on hot lava. I protested with the doctors that I needed release. The senior consultant came for round in the afternoon and when I told him my end of the story, although he was compassionate, and tried his best to convince me, then persuade me to stay back, finally he gave in but not before knocking some fear and sense in my head. He told me with a stern face in a voice I’ll never forget
” If we let you go now, the next time ONLY your body will be coming back to us”
I remember feeling some amount of realization for the first time. He was serious ~ My condition was serious although I walked and talked and felt absolutely no pain. My uterus was a time bomb. I had a previous scar in my uterus and my placenta was edging it. Only when we have fever, we seek medication. If we have a headache or some body part ache, a paracetemol, tylenol or panadol is all we look out for. When we hear ‘Cancer’ we are terrified and seek urgent attention. My doctor had tried to convince me that I was making a mistake but I was a determined mother who had immense faith in Allah. No physician came before that faith, but the physician came after the faith.
I was asked to sign a form which stated clearly that my situation was explained and clarified and in the event that if anything should happen to me, the health officials would not be held responsible. Little did I know …. I was signing my suicide note……
At 10:oo in the night, we returned from our meal from Karim’s. Definetly a walk was in order but lo and behold, a site, I may never forget !!
A small cabin for the ATM machine and a security guard was “guarding” it with his dreams in his sleep. Whats even more hilarious is the message on the screen .. “pure as your dreams”.
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying a really bad word.
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
The two week christmas holiday in Delhi was simply fantastic. We had a blast, visiting relatives, eating out all that chaat and all the nihari and kebaabs. The weather was super fantastic, coooooold and chilly. We never saw the sun for the first few days and mornings seemed so dark even at 11:00 am. I loved it.
This year however, I decided to take photoshots of the typical look of Darya Gunj an area where my inlaws stay. I know a picture speaks a 1000 words so I’ll let my pics do the talking…
So we flew down to Bombay from Cochin on 1st of December. High on expectation and full of apprehension, why ?? Then your obviously not an indian. I remember mentioning somewhere, Indian marriages are complex affairs of rituals and sensitivities.. Most people are simply waiting to see things fall apart, while others are sitting puffed up with nasty high demands.. Its weird how long forgotten stories surface and people are waiting to punch eachother in verbal bouts with those trivial issues which should have been long burried …..But these times are used to get even with the other parties. Its true no matter which corner of India you go to … Its always the same story.
I enjoyed Muj’s marriage completly. I loved being a part of it rather than being a mere spectator.
Muj is my nephew but in reality he has been like a buddy to me. I have never let these boys address me as a phuphi (aunt) and I have always kept the channel of communication open between us. The first time I saw Muj was in 1987, he must have been 6, maybe 7. He was the quite one between Zao and him. But he held a special place in my heart which only grew stronger when we used to spend time, playing hide n seek or other such games in 7Bunglows. During my intial stay in Dubai, these two were the best part of staying in Dubai. It was fun playing in the evenings or biking with them and oh those “story telling” nights !! Gosh how zao always pestered me for one more story…. to think of it, that those little guys are old enough to get married and now have their own kids. How time flies. Time is merciless yet time is the best healer.
Coming back from my flash back, the mehendi at the girls house in Bandra was followed by mehendi at our end in Mira Road the next day. It was a gala affair with lots of fun, food, photographs and of course dj music.
The Nikkah was in Bandra and I felt elated being in a Barat full of dhols and dancing youngsters. It was a different feeling of joy and excietment. Nikkah was pronounced by my best friend’s Dad, who met me for the first time. I had prayed for Izzat in this marriage and Allah swt has blessed it in abundance. Alhamduallah. Dinner was lovely too and I had my fill of gol gappas and chaat …
It was lovely meeting a host of old friends, relatives, neighbours and at the same time, making new friendships.
Walima, which is the dinner hosted by the boys end, to announce his marriage was on 7th December.