Lawyers.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Saskatchewan. (Trust me, it’s a real name of a province in Canada.)

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in Canada and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Saskatchewan. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule?”

The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old coot. Now it’s my turn.”

[I love this part ….]

The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”

One Terrible school. Part 1

Hi friends ,

For all those of you’ll who have been following my posts regularly, I know I have been somewhat on and off these past few months. . . . . ! Well all for some valid reasons … If you know me well, you know how I have been struggling hard to get the boys out their present school.

 It has’nt been easy, especially since they have both got grade As and Bs in their mid terms and most unfortunetly flunked their assesment test in another British curriculum school, just weeks later  !!!

Not only is it a set back but it really has me thinking, what exactly are the school’s  standards when compared to others !! I know, it was unreasonable of the other school to take a full year’s  exam when the boys had only completed half the year ! Inspite of getting this to their notice, any concessions made ? None !! Infact they did not even have the courtesy to tell me Sugar’s grades !! Makes me wonder, its probably better this way !!

So here we are, struggling to find a good school for the boys…

The question is,

will I have to move them from an American System to a British curriculum ?

Will I have to move them from an American system To an IB, International Baccalaurete ??  In which case they both would loose one year.  The IB is very stringent about age limit and regardless of student skills or aptitude stick to their age limits.

Mo’s mother is equally distressed. Her son has been called names, harassed, pushed, beaten up, and terribly abused. It has been devastating for that little boy of 10. His mother has seen his self esteem just detoriate.  The only silver lining in all this, is that Sugar has been standing up for Mo. Everytime, Bully G,A,K A have tried to hit Mo, Sugar  has interviened and rescued him. I always thought it was the blind leading the blind with Sugar and Mo, but I have realized something good eventually came out of it. Sugar learned to protect and defend.

Last PE Class he returned with pain in his loins, upon alot of probing, he admitted that during football, he was playing in defence position and bully K, took full advantage of his position and kept hitting the ball on sugar’s wee wee !! All to the amusement of his friends, the “understanding ” coach asked sugar to ” be a man”  and face it out !!  No breaks .. No water .. No time to grieve his pain ….. how comforting !!

Yesterday, He was so happy when I picked him.  Health teacher who teaches them alot about ethics too, had given them a free period in class, the kids played a game about naming what they’d want to be when they grew, and whom they’d marry etc amongst many other things … Sugar was overjoyed to know that his favorite health teacher joked that he’d marry his science teacher, (who also is his favorite teacher). We both laughed and I was so pleased to know that somehow Sugar felt alittle accepted in class this time. It was a shortlived feeling.

When I asked what Sugar had said in the game, he said, “Nah, we were not allowed to play the game. They said Mo, and I were not allowed to play.”

Unbelievable ! This happens with a teacher sitting in the class !! What happened to team spirit if nothing else ?? I could see hurt in Sugar. But he put up a very brave front for me. After the last encounter with the principal, where the principal mistreated Sugar and me,  Sugar avoids telling me things like these. He doesn’t want me to be embarrassed becoz of what happens to him.  Its such a difficult situation. We have complained so many times about Bully K,A1,G,A2 to the principal but in all honesty, it fell on deaf years.  The principal is committed to the parents of these people for obvious reasons.

Being called ‘Hindia” meaning Indian in arabic, is just one of the smallest ways they harass him and kicking him on his wee wee and punching him against the wall are the larger ones.

Why do they bully him ? Well, becoz he wears glasses, gets good grade, is an indian, is on the plump side (which they too are) and most importantly becoz he takes it. What has my son done to deserve this ??? Every teacher is all but praise for him. He eats alone or with Mo. He is always smiling. He doesnt speak without a please, thank you, excuse me ………….. and yet I have made such a huge blunder in letting him stay in this wretched school.      

The teacher who had influenced us into admitting the boys here was actually sacked this January !! She actually went to the ministry with the unethical and irresponsible incidents happening on a regular basis in the school, and they found a way to actually get to her.  And they succeeded. She’s thrown out which is unfortunate. She was a good teacher * not that it matters to the school.

Two months back a student wrote in 7days newspaper, in the letter to editor that the KHDA inspection was really not correct, becoz everything in the schools were just put up for showing a shinning example to the Inspection board and after the inspection things went right back to the usual rotten self. 

If only I too had written and supported that guy.  This school had hired a student counselor and asked him to stay on just till the inspection date was over !!!  I have been putting up sugar’s case all to often and have had alot of sand thrown on my face inspite of having relevant proof … I know the only solution would be to have them move to a better school. which hopefully does not “only” market itself but also delivers.

My ordeal is very much real – shortlisting schools with jumbo size fees is not all so easy. Good education comes at a high price but we are paying a very dear price for having our young children bruised and abused all becoz we made just a few compromises  !!

Just in case, your wondering what bullying :

Bullying is an anti-social behaviour that affects everyone. It is unacceptable and should not be tolerated. It is defined as deliberately hurtful behaviour, repeated over time, where it is difficult for those being bullied to defend themselves. The three main types of bullying are physical (hitting, kicking, theft), verbal (name calling, racist remarks) and indirect (spreading rumours, exclusion from social groups). All children must be encouraged to report bullying. This policy is designed to ensure that a school is alerted to the signs of bullying and act promptly and firmly against it.

I have a long way to go and I am going to continue to support my boys and keep fighting for getting them the respect they so rightly deserve.

Oh and just in case there are any moms out there who are curious to know just what all has happened to my boys all these months …. do write to me and I’ll write back with a full description.

60 WAYS TO KEEP THE LOVE OF YOUR WIFE. GAURANTEED!

1.Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

2. When you go home say ‘Assalmualikum.’ It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!

3. Prophet (saw) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.

5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED

6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet (saw) said if your angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet (saw) said ‘I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife’. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER

11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said ‘When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves’.

12. Prophet (saw) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet (saw) called Aisha ‘ya Aish’ as an endearment.

13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (saw) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.

16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.

18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realise that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (saw) said gifts increases love.

 21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practise of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!

24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.

25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.

26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.

27. Don’t put your friends above your wife.

28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (saw) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).

33. Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)

34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (saw) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.

37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.

38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn’t like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.

39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) ‘if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.’ It confirms prophet (saw) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (saw) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).

44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

46. Let her know you are travelling. Don’t tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.

47. Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.

50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

51. Allah( swt) said ‘live with your wives in kindness.’ Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

52. Prophet (saw) showed that there is a messenger at the time of intimacy which is foreplay. Don’t jump on your wife like an animal!

53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet (saw). Get rid of this disease.

56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet (saw) said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

59. Accept her as she is. Prophet (saw) said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet (saw) said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. May Allah (swt) fill your homes and heart with tranquillity, love and Mercy. AMEEN

Dear Friends, this mail does stand true with many or all its tips, however I cannot vouch that it has been compilled by any authentic muslim scholar  Please use your own common sense just like I felt that almost all the tips seems very logical and thus I have posted them here. Being tolerant to ones spouse and making consessions on her account would save one too many marriages.