The unsucessful Survey !

A friend forwarded this mail to me and It had me bursting at the seams with laughter ! By no means, do I believe in generalizing a community based on borders, color or religion but there is alittle truth in some of these sentences ! Please take it with a small dose of humor !
 

UNiTED NATIONS Conducted a Survey.

The Question Was:
“Give Your Honest Opinion about Food Shortage in Rest of the WorLd”
The survey badLy FAiLED.

Because,
in AFRiCA,
people didn’t know what FOOD is.
CHiNESE didn’t know what OPiNiON is.
EUROPEANS didn’t know what ShORTAGE is.
PAKiSTANiS & iNDiANS didnt know what HONESTY is.
iSRAELiS didnt know what
‘UNiTED NATiONS’ is.
&
AMERiCANS didnt know what the hell
“REST OF THE WORLD” is?….

 

Coffee cups and life !!

A group of college alumni, well-established in their careers, began talking at a reunion about the impact that a professor of theirs had made on each of their lives.  They decided to go visit their old professor, who was
now retired. During their visit their conversation turned into complaining about the stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling
them to help themselves to the coffee.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said,
“Notice that each of you took one of the nicer-looking cups. You didn’t take any of the plain ones. While it is normal for you to want the best for yourselves, that has become the source of your problems and stress. The cup
itself adds nothing to the quality to the coffee. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups…and then you began eyeing each other’s cups.
 You compared the quality of your cup with the quality of a friend’s cup.”

The professor continued, “Now consider this: Life is the coffee; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The style one cup has, does not define or change the
quality of life an individual lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. The happiest people  don’t have the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything.”
Enjoy your coffee!  

Live simply. Love generously.  Care deeply. Speak

kindly.

Learn Corporate Language.

worker_glassesCORPORATE LANGUAGE

 1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

 2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done “At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views? means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means”I have no time now, will talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion ” means “We had actually fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know much more about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble or Something to be happen”

Corporate lesson #3

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, ” I  should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said,”We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”

The hands said,”We should be Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed all the shit !!

Moral of the Story :

You dont need brains to be a Boss – Any asshole will do  !!!