A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.
This old man in his eighties gets up and puts on his coat. His wife says, ‘Where are you going?’ He said, ‘I’m going to the doctor.’And she said, ‘Are you sick?’ ‘No’ he said, ‘I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.’ So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat. He said,’ Where are you going?’. She said, ‘I’m going to the doctor, too.’ He said, ‘Why?’ She said, ‘If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing, I’m going to get me a tetanus shot.’
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies: I told her I was 90.
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked
if she had anything to say in her own defense. ‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’