Last November, we visited India to attend my nephew’s marriage. After my marriage ie 12 years, We were going to see “ALL” my relatives. In between all the fun and frolic, I could sense how fortunate we were to be so happily in love. Sam and I were the talk of town. Plump and made for each other !!
Came back and posted some of the marriage pics in FB where a huge number of my friends, family and relatives hang out. Perhaps it was a mistake that I posted that pic but I know now that If it was a mistake, It is one, I have to live with for the rest of my life.
Sam has had high blood pressure for the last 7 months. He has been taking medication to keep it on an average scale. On one visit to American Hospital Dubai early February for a repeat medication, the doctor suggested an MRI of the renal artery. If you know sam, you know that sam, immediately decides that doctors love to mint money with a huge bunch of tests .. so inspite of all his whinning. He had the MRI done. What followed was to change our lives forever.
The renal artery seemed fine but his right kidney has a tumor about 10 cm large !! After several sonographies, xrays, and CT scan’s the doctors explained how serious his state is but ( hate that word *BUT*) The only solution to the tumor is removal of the entire kidney. This is a very critical operation with a very high risk rate, therefore American Hospital Dubai has refused this operation. However they have advised that we take Sam’s case to any Kidney specialist Center where there would be a team of doctors to carry out the operation. Sam has never been operated upon. Naturally he is curious and anxious. His left kidney has a mild stenoces. Although the cancer has not spread out of the kidney, they can see some signs of it in his lungs !!
Ofcourse our initial reaction was that of disbelief. He is healthy, if anything, overweight. Never complains about sickness. It took sometime for this harsh reality to seep in. For the first week or so, I kept hoping that there was an error in the report or then just kept searching for the silver lining. Sam has been spending alot of time with the boys. It is difficult to think of my world without Sam. He is that orbit around which I revolve. He is one of the nicest people I know of. I am so dependent on him. One of the first thoughts that ran thru my mind was ” what will happen to me ?” Silly why I lost hope so early in our battle. … then gradually I composed myself. I am a hardcore optimist, so it dawns late but it does dawn for sure. There is always a silver lining. Our love story is not going to end here. We have to have many more years of bliss and joys. We are going to grow old together. We will see our sons getting married. I will sit and watch all the videos and photos that we have shot of the boys’ childhood in our retirement with Sam and we will have a blast recalling all the incidences. Sam is not going to leave me and I am not going to let Sam leave me. Not now, Not like this. I will fight for him. I will keep fighting for him. I will beg Allah swt for my samie. I will beg him to spare his life.
In the heart of the matter we all know, that we are visitors in this world and have a larger home to return to in the here after and no matter how much we feel we are preparing for it, we are really not at all prepared.
It seems difficult to be practical at such times, but its like we shift the gears of our motors to act accordingly.
We have been struggling with decisions …. if we should have this operation done here in Dubai or should we take him to India … ( just as everybody has been advising us ) how would the logistics of all this work ??? We Indians are very emotional and get into “Panic” mode very easily. Although we managed to keep it in wraps for a month … when we did disclose it to our near and dear family members, all hell broke looose. Too many opinions, too many judgements, too much chaos, just too much panic to handle.
Sam has been one of the best gifts Allah swt has blessed me with. The mere thought of loosing him makes me feel week in the knees. He is too precious, too nice, too dear, too loving, …….. too mine. I would do anything to keep him alive.
And yet I find myself at Allah’s mercy, begging him for help as I would for any ailment for my family. The Almighty has been so generous to us … so forgiving and so merciful, I have complete faith that a solution will follow.
One line I have always believed for as long as I can remember is : ” If Allah can get you to it, He can get you through it.”
For all those of you reading this, please pray for my samie. He is truly a special individual. There is no one who passes by him that is not touched by his compassion and generosity. Please keep my samie in your prayers.