SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER.

We were dressed, and ready to go out  for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering  machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the  backyard.We phoned the local cab company and  requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the  house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we  had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house, because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while  I went back inside to get the cat . The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot  pursuit. 

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know  that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi  driver that I will be out soon, ‘He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my  mother.’

A few minutes later, I get into the  cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘That stupid bitch was  hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to  come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to  wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled  her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!’

The cab  driver hit a parked car.

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How to perform 100% at work .. .. ..

What an ideal job !!

At 10:oo in the night, we returned from our meal from Karim’s. Definetly a walk was in order but lo and behold, a site, I may never forget !!

A small cabin for the ATM machine and a security guard was “guarding” it with his dreams in his sleep. Whats even more hilarious is the message on the screen ..  “pure as your dreams”.

Gujrati Funeral.

I received a mail from one of my English cousins and after having a real laugh at the hilarious little story that followed, I realized that although I am not biased towards any one religion, nationality or region, we are still quite bound in these prejeduices, we get influenced by media, even when we are saying one thing, deep rooted in our thoughts, are those of what we believe.

Gujrat is a state in the west wing of India. People are very humble, culturally inclined and traditional. (like in many other parts of India ) I completly enjoy their sense of colors. Personally, I have close friends and family friends from there, so it is easy for me to see where the joke is going !

Most Gujrati people have large or small scale businesses because they are extremly good at calculations and have an excellent business sense.  I think the joke here is talking about one of the many families settled in the US but still follows the same traditions of typical guju, as they are pettingly called. Gift giving is traditonal in India and in most cases, carried too far. One gives it to please others and at the same time it is expected as well from the other end. One makes a real fuss when not given a thought full gift when a relative returns !!

Here goes :

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba)
arrived from the US . It was sent
by one of the daughters.

 The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in
it when they opened the lid;
they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

 

 

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha ,

 

 

I am sending Ba’s body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated
in the compound of our
ancestral home in GUJARAT .

 

 

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

 

 

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of
Tobler chocolates and 8
packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

 

 

On Ba’s feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There
are also 2 pairs of shoes
for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

 

 

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

 

 

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

 

 The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

 The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is
wearing the necklace, earrings
and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

 

 

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.

 

 

Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Smita.

 

 

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling
too well now a days.

I did the Macarena with a pickle because I’m Awesome .. .. ..

Sometimes, just when I’m about to ask my friends to stop forwarding e-mails, a forwarded message lands in my Inbox that amuses me. Sometimes, there’s a real winner in there. For instance, I recently received a forwarded message from a childhood friend. I almost didn’t open it because a message with the title “I licked a monster because Big Bird told me to and he’s my leader…” – even from a known address – is quite suspect. It’s a silly exercise, really, but it seems to be universally enjoyable. 

So here it is. Copy and paste into an e-mail send it to your friends with a subject line created from the criteria – corresponding phrases.

Pick the month you were born:
January–I kicked
February–I loved
March—I karate chopped
April—-I licked
May—-I jumped on
June—-I smelled
July—-I did the Macarena With
August—I had lunch with
September-I danced with
October–I sang to
November–I yelled at
December–I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1—a birdbath
2—a monster
3—a phone
4—a fork
5—a snowman
6—a gangster
7—my cell phone
8—my dog
9—my best friend’s boyfriend
10—my neighbor
11—my science teacher
12—a banana
13—a fireman
14—a stuffed animal
15—a goat
16—a pickle
17—your mom
18– -a spoon
19— a smurf
20—a baseball bat
21—a ninja
22—Chuck Norris
23—a noodle
24—a squirrel
25—a football player
26—my sister
27—my brother
28—an iPOD
29—a surfer
30—a llama
31—A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White—because I’m cool like that
Black—because that’s how I roll.
Pink—-because I’m NOT crazy.
Red—-because the voices told me to ..
Blue—-because I’m sexy and I do what I want
Green—because I think I need some serious help.
Purple—because I’m AWESOME!
Gray—-because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.
Yellow–because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange—because my family thinks I’m stupid anyway.
Brown—because I can.
Other—because I’m a Ninja !
None—-because I can’t control myself .

Now type out the sentence you made in the subject line and send it to your friends. Don’t forget to send it back to the person that sent it to you!