The unsucessful Survey !

A friend forwarded this mail to me and It had me bursting at the seams with laughter ! By no means, do I believe in generalizing a community based on borders, color or religion but there is alittle truth in some of these sentences ! Please take it with a small dose of humor !
 

UNiTED NATIONS Conducted a Survey.

The Question Was:
“Give Your Honest Opinion about Food Shortage in Rest of the WorLd”
The survey badLy FAiLED.

Because,
in AFRiCA,
people didn’t know what FOOD is.
CHiNESE didn’t know what OPiNiON is.
EUROPEANS didn’t know what ShORTAGE is.
PAKiSTANiS & iNDiANS didnt know what HONESTY is.
iSRAELiS didnt know what
‘UNiTED NATiONS’ is.
&
AMERiCANS didnt know what the hell
“REST OF THE WORLD” is?….

 

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Husbands & Wives and some more.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’
So he tied her up and went golfing.


*****************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’
‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Just get out.’

********************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.


*************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters

‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked.
‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’

******************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’
‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay.’

********************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’



********************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER.

We were dressed, and ready to go out  for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering  machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the  backyard.We phoned the local cab company and  requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the  house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we  had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house, because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while  I went back inside to get the cat . The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot  pursuit. 

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know  that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi  driver that I will be out soon, ‘He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my  mother.’

A few minutes later, I get into the  cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘That stupid bitch was  hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to  come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to  wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled  her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!’

The cab  driver hit a parked car.

Learning Alphabets in Nursery Schools

Continuing in the last post’s theme is another way, our newer generation will be learning the letters/alphabets in a rather keyboard oriented route.

Here’s a glimpse :-

A:   APPLE

B:   BLUETOOTH 
     
C:   CHAT

D:  DOWNLOAD

E:  E  MAIL 
   
F:   FACEBOOK

G:   GOOGLE

H:  HEWLETT  PACKARD

I:      iPHONE

J:   JAVA

K:   KINGSTON

L:    LAPTOP

M:   MESSENGER

N:   NERO

O:   ORKUT

P:   PICASSA

Q:  QUICK  H EAL

R:   RAM

S:   SERVER

T:   TWITTER

U:   USB

V:   VISTA

W:   WiFi

X:    Xp

Y:  YOU  TUBE

Z:   ZORPIA

Thank God …. A is still Apple

Child Marriage !!

 

Observe the expression on the girl's face sitting on the right ! Priceless :)

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street.  

The father, being modern and well-schooled in  handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.    
   ‘That’s a serious step,’ he said.      

‘Have you thought it out completely?’  

‘Yes,’ his young son answered.  

‘We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers.  It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.’                

‘How about transportation?’ the father asked.
 ‘I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,’   the little boy answered.

                
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.                

       Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, ‘What about babies?  When you’re married,  you’re liable to have babies, you know.’

‘We’ve thought about that, too,’  
the little boy replied.  
             
         ‘We’re not going to have babies.                
Every time she lays an egg,

I’m going to step on it!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo
 
        NOW THAT’S BIRTH CONTROL-!        

Playing Santa in January.

Today was Samie’s last vacation day and lo ! feeling so sad that he wont be enjoying the relaxation with us from tomorrow. This vacation although was the first where we were in Dubai but it was so much fun and calming. There were no obligations, no stress, no forced shopping, and definetly no early mornings !! It was truck loads of fun.

Sam arrived rather late after picking up Eman from school and before I knew it, there were heaps of presents he bought for all of us. Okay so let me start with me, he got me this marinade tray with board, a full set of knife set AND, AND AND ………. He also bought this really handy tool box. You see sam generally offers his salat in my studio and wonders how I manage to create anything in the middle of all the  clutter and chaos in my studio. This nice man wanted to make it easy and get my space alittle organized so voila, what a lovely and thought ful gift.

Oh yeah, and the kids got something too, they love washing Sam and my car, but by the end of it, there are gallons upon gallons spend on the shower so he got them the pressure kit for washing the cars to make the chore fun and more economical for us.

Oh and how could he forget “the other” kids. Pepper has claimed the new catnip and cat scratch tray as his own. He has strongly placed it as not limit zone for poor Keiki. 

There isnt a day that passes by when I dont thank my Allah for blessing me with the most compassionate and thoughtful man. I wanted to share the pictures with you’ll.

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On the other hand, have you wondered why husbands come up with the most practical and productive gifts for their wives and where does all the romance disappear with chocolates and flowers ???

If I were one of em thankless women, I would be thinking there are vibes I am getting from these gifts like

” Lady. We need to eat more bbq meals ! 

” Get your chaos Organized. Woman !!

” Wash the car more often boys” !!

Last but the most important : Get those paws  outta my couch and into your own turf !!

 USE that scratching pad !!!!! 

But thats just the humor in me .. have to have the last laugh now 🙂

Coffee cups and life !!

A group of college alumni, well-established in their careers, began talking at a reunion about the impact that a professor of theirs had made on each of their lives.  They decided to go visit their old professor, who was
now retired. During their visit their conversation turned into complaining about the stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling
them to help themselves to the coffee.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said,
“Notice that each of you took one of the nicer-looking cups. You didn’t take any of the plain ones. While it is normal for you to want the best for yourselves, that has become the source of your problems and stress. The cup
itself adds nothing to the quality to the coffee. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups…and then you began eyeing each other’s cups.
 You compared the quality of your cup with the quality of a friend’s cup.”

The professor continued, “Now consider this: Life is the coffee; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The style one cup has, does not define or change the
quality of life an individual lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. The happiest people  don’t have the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything.”
Enjoy your coffee!  

Live simply. Love generously.  Care deeply. Speak

kindly.