Child Marriage !!

 

Observe the expression on the girl's face sitting on the right ! Priceless :)

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street.  

The father, being modern and well-schooled in  handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.    
   ‘That’s a serious step,’ he said.      

‘Have you thought it out completely?’  

‘Yes,’ his young son answered.  

‘We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers.  It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.’                

‘How about transportation?’ the father asked.
 ‘I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,’   the little boy answered.

                
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.                

       Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, ‘What about babies?  When you’re married,  you’re liable to have babies, you know.’

‘We’ve thought about that, too,’  
the little boy replied.  
             
         ‘We’re not going to have babies.                
Every time she lays an egg,

I’m going to step on it!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo
 
        NOW THAT’S BIRTH CONTROL-!        

When Love Fades .. .. ..

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s’ voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner my Love?  Chicken,  beef or lamb?”

I said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”

She replied “You’re having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat!”

 

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A man was in his death bed and called his wife. With a weak voice he said:

– Honey, come closer, I need to…, confess something!

-No, no!!, answered the woman, relax and keep quiet. You should make no efforts…

– But I need to die in peace! I must confess!

– Alright. 

– The thing is, I went out… with your sister… your mother…, and even your best friend!

– I know, I know. Now be quiet and let the poison work.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

When her friends hired a stripper for her birthday,commediant Mary Pfeiffer realised how much she had changed. The guy started taking his clothes off and asked:

– What are you thinking, love?

– That I’ve been married for too long, because the first thing that came to my mind was “You’re going to get these clothes off the floor won’t you?”

 

The Perfect Husband

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

Husband – “Hello?”
Wife – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

Husband – “Yes.”
Wife -“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”

Husband -“What’s the price?”
Wife – “Only $1,000.”

Husband – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
Wife – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price . and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..

Husband – “What price did he quote you?”
Wife – “Only $65,000…”

Husband – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
Wife – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…

Husband -“What?”
Wife – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”

Husband – “How much are they asking?”
Wife – “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

Husband – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”
Wife – “OK,sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

Husband – “Bye…I love you too…”

The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks “Does anyone know who this Cellphone belongs to???”

The Perfect Man.

The Perfect Man

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the driver says,

“Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Taxi Driver: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right – all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Taxi Driver: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special”

Taxi Driver: “There’s more…he had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger. “Wow, great guy.”

Taxi Driver: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake”

Passenger. “Mmm, there’s not many like him around.”

Taxi Driver: “And he really knew how to treat a woman and never answer back even if she was wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing man. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank.”

Passenger: “Then how do you know so much about him?”

Taxi Driver: “I married his widow!”
 

The lesson here would surely have to be that one should not compare between two individuals, even past and present. How frustrating for the poor taxi driver who has virtually byhearted all Franks virtues !! We must learn to be content with what we have been blessed with.  Now, having said that, I know it is easier said than done, Think about it, it is one of the many reasons why couples dont stay together too long these days, high expectations !!

Nothing like a perfect man, or a perfect match. We make each day work and we make each day matter. Thought for the day 🙂    

And you thought you were truly in love ???

True love
This is what True Love is all about:

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m ., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.  

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation.  I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are? "

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Just had to share it with you all.

Marriage & Old age; Laughter is the best Medicine

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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. ‘The material  we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be  disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell  me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.
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This old man in his eighties gets up and puts on his coat. His wife says, ‘Where are you going?’ He said, ‘I’m going to the doctor.’And she said, ‘Are you sick?’ ‘No’ he said, ‘I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.’ So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on  her coat. He said,’ Where are you going?’. She said, ‘I’m going to the doctor, too.’ He said, ‘Why?’ She said, ‘If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing, I’m going to get me a tetanus shot.’
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the  Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old  blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and  charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every  word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance,  they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob  replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you  persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies: I told  her I was 90.

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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her  92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and  ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,  killing him instantly.  Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked
 if she had anything to say in her own defense. ‘Your Honor,’ she began  coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’