When Love Fades .. .. ..

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s’ voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner my Love?  Chicken,  beef or lamb?”

I said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”

She replied “You’re having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat!”

 

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A man was in his death bed and called his wife. With a weak voice he said:

– Honey, come closer, I need to…, confess something!

-No, no!!, answered the woman, relax and keep quiet. You should make no efforts…

– But I need to die in peace! I must confess!

– Alright. 

– The thing is, I went out… with your sister… your mother…, and even your best friend!

– I know, I know. Now be quiet and let the poison work.

 

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When her friends hired a stripper for her birthday,commediant Mary Pfeiffer realised how much she had changed. The guy started taking his clothes off and asked:

– What are you thinking, love?

– That I’ve been married for too long, because the first thing that came to my mind was “You’re going to get these clothes off the floor won’t you?”

 

9 words Women Use.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying a really bad word.

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.