Male friends after marriage ?

Tirmidhi 3118:

Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third.

Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi.

Do not call on women in the absence of their husbands, because Shaitan might be circulating in you like blood circulates

Hadith – Fath-al-Qadir

The one who touches the hand of a woman without having a lawful relation with her, will have an ember (hot coal) placed on his palm on the Day of Judgement

If you cannot meet a woman without mahram, shake hands with her, be alone with her,  look at her (since you’re required to lower your gaze)

then how is this friendship going to form?

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As far as friendship on internet is concerned just reason logically about it. Would a husband appreciate that his wife has a ‘close’ male friend besides him? Or would a wife appreciate that when the husband has a argument with her, he goes to his best friend to discuss the matter as opposed to making it up to her?

It leads to comparison between spouse as a friend and the close friend. This can cause problems in their married life. A friend who meets you only sometimes will always meet you with a smile (even on internet) but the spouse is living with you 24/7. There are more chances of conflicts and it requires patience and understanding to survive the relationship.

This can be hard to understand when you can see the other opposite gender being nice to you while your spouse isn’t as sweet most of the time.

Had it been permissible Sahaba’s and Prophets would become friends with women. But at least I do not know of Prophet (P.B.U.H) having female friends or any of the sahaba’s having them or any other scholar of Islam having it. Which makes it obvious it is not allowed in Islam.

 

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Trade in Proposal/Marriage.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) prohibited Shighar. Ibn Numair added: Shighar means that a person should say to the other person: Give me the hand of your daughter in marriage and I will (in return) marry my daughter to you; or marry me your sister, and I will marry my sister to you. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3299)

 What an interesting Hadith Masha’Allah 🙂

It has been stated so many times that the Prophet never spoke unnecessarily but when he spoke he was careful in what he said and there was a definete reason to why he said what he said.  Subhanallah. 

Please know that the below is my point of view on this matter and not quoted by any scholar.

I found this concept of trade in marriage unusal but not unheard of, especially in India and Pakistan, where it is still practised although not often. In my point of view, it can become quite a complicated issue before and after the marriage. Therefore best avoided.

For obvious reasons such as if one marriage is not working out they treat the other couple the same …i.e. forced to divorce and the reason will be the other couple did not work out. Even if they are not forced to divorce, imagine how uncomfortable and awkward a wife feels if she sees her sister in law brooding in her household due to the misunderstandings/hardships/incompatibilities caused by her own brother !!!

If the rasool has prohibited this trade in, then so be it. Hope it helps us to wake up and advise our neighbours, relatives and muslim friends that this should not be practised if they are,  due to ignorance. Please advise your near ones.

Another Indian Marriage.

So we flew down to Bombay from Cochin on 1st of December. High on expectation and full of apprehension, why ?? Then your obviously not an indian. I remember mentioning somewhere, Indian marriages are complex affairs of rituals and sensitivities.. Most people are simply waiting to see things fall apart, while others are sitting puffed up with nasty high demands.. Its weird how long forgotten stories surface and people are waiting to punch eachother in verbal bouts with those trivial issues which should have been long burried …..But these times are used to get even with the other parties.  Its true no matter which corner of India you go to … Its always the same story.

I enjoyed  Muj’s marriage completly. I loved being a part of it rather than being a mere spectator.

Muj is my nephew but in reality he has been like a buddy to me. I have never let these boys address me as a phuphi (aunt) and I have always kept the channel of communication open between us.  The first time I saw Muj was in 1987, he must have been 6, maybe 7. He was the quite one between Zao and him. But he held a special place in my heart which only grew stronger when we used to spend time, playing hide n seek or other such games in 7Bunglows. During my intial stay in Dubai, these two were the best part of staying in Dubai. It was fun playing in the evenings or biking with them and oh those “story telling” nights !! Gosh how zao always pestered me for one more story…. to think of it, that those little guys are old enough to get married and now have their own kids. How time flies. Time is merciless yet time is the best healer.

Coming back from my flash back, the mehendi at the girls house in Bandra was followed by mehendi at our end in Mira Road the next day.  It was a gala affair with lots of fun, food, photographs and of course dj music.

The Nikkah was in Bandra and I felt elated being in a Barat full of dhols and dancing youngsters. It was a different feeling of joy and excietment.  Nikkah was pronounced by my best friend’s Dad, who met me for the first time. I had prayed for Izzat in this marriage and Allah swt has blessed it in abundance. Alhamduallah. Dinner was lovely too and I had my fill of gol gappas and chaat …

It was lovely meeting a host of old friends, relatives, neighbours and at the same time, making new friendships.

Muj’s hotel room decoration was shared by me and a cousin sister. It was fun and really had a blast doing the novetal room.  

Walima, which is the dinner hosted by the boys end, to announce his marriage was on 7th December.

The groom looks at the bride for the first time after the nikkah ceremony.

A whole lot of Bari's here.

happiness does not get better than this.... sam and I.

11 years of bliss and joy. Sam and I