Purifying the heart

Purifying the heart !

Assalam Alai kum brothers and sisters. I trust, you are in good health and are counting your blessings everyday.

The link above is an excellent short video based on our existence and how we can remove the corrupt, evil sins from our hearts. It is a beautiful metaphor and I’m sure, you will like it, hence sharing.

The doors of Rehma (mercy/forgiveness) will remain open for us till the moment, we take our last breath, hence don’t assume you will not be forgiven. Allah swt can and will pardon the worse of the sins, provided the niyaah (intention) is sincere and the remorse is true.

A family we knew, had a daughter, who suffered at the hands of a chronic illness for all her tender life. We realized, perhaps,  she was a test from the Almighty. Eventually she passed away leaving her parents with a broken heart.

A few years later, the only other child, an older son, matured and carried forward the responsibilities of his fathers’ business. The father was beside himself. A young, charming, well-behaved, well-disciplined and responsible son, is a dream come true. The parents had him married and the following year, the young bride and groom, performed Hajj.

Although, they are our family friends, we barely kept in touch, over the years. Never the less, I have a deep-rooted respect for this family and upon hearing the beautiful news, I was overwhelmed with joy.

Sadly, it was short-lived.

A couple of years later, the said young boy, committed suicide.

Death of a child, in itself, is the harshest emotional devastation, but loosing your child to suicide can add an unbelievably surreal dimension to this trauma.

And then begins a string of speculations of why he took such a drastic step .. .. perhaps monetary issues, perhaps business decline, perhaps he did not bear children and perhaps a dozen other factors, which we may never know and in so many ways, its none of our business ! But here is whats really important :-

My dear brothers and sisters, suicide is haram. There is no other way to put it mildly.

Please remember, we are placed in this world to face the trials, to endure hardships while keeping our imaan (faith) intact. We CANNOT and MUST NOT give up.

Talk to anyone of your family members, friend, relative, a trusted neighbor, a colleague, the imam in your masjid ~ if nothing else, turn to a psychiatrist.  But DONT give up.  Whatever problems, you face, there is ALWAYS a solution. Sometimes, we have to persistently search for it, and sometimes, patience brings it at our doorstep, never the less, there is ALWAYS a solution. However there is no solution to DEATH.

That is the trauma this elderly parent faces and will continue to endure every single day, for the rest of their lives.

The young bride who probably has a life ahead of her, with a stigma so intense, to carry in our hypocritical society.

What he did ~ is not the issue here becoz he is no more and no one can bring him back.

But what matters is what we learn from this unfortunate tragedy.

Asian parents are highly emotional and less logical parents. They pin too many hopes and aspirations over their offspring. In a way, they almost live their youth, thru their children, which is fine , so long as they don’t start imposing their expectations on them.  If your raising responsible children, remember, when they goof-up(and they will) don’t remind them time and again, about your disappointments (they already realize their mistake) Reminding them will not bring them closer to you. It will only widen the barrier between them and you.

Brothers and sisters, No matter what your fix is, rely on your parents. There will be a temporary period of disappointments and you may curl in the feeling of being a let-down. But trust me, its far better, that they sort your hassle out than sort your coffin out.  There can be no excuse for suicide. Absolutely NONE.

The void a parent feels after loosing a child is unbearably painful but knowing and blaming himself, all the remainder of his life, why his child could not turn to him as a confidante, is far more painful for a parent.

This video demonstrates how wrong decisions, wrong habits and wrong deeds can blacken our hearts and our minds and misguide us in the wrong direction, but ……………………… there is hope.

Astaghfirullah.

Ask Allah swt for forgiveness, refrain yourself from evil practices and reprimand your ways and there is no reason, why the Almighty Allah swt who is Ghafoor and Raheem, would not forgive his slave.

He is waiting for YOU to raise your hands in dua and with trust in your heart, turn to him. He alone will set you free.

so what are you waiting for ?

 

 

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The Choice between career and family ..

Read this thought provoking article and felt I just had to share it with you’ll. 

The Choice
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EVERY moment in life, we are faced with a choice.

Which should command our preference–the demands of our job or the duties to our family?

If there is a board meeting today at the same hours that our son graduates from school, where should we go — to the boardroom or to the graduation ceremony?

If we have to make a very important presentation tomorrow, so as to advance our career, but our wife says she has to see the doctor on a suspicion of cancer, which appointment should we keep?

These are the daily battles of conscience we have to wage, trying to keep a balance between our responsibility to earn a living and our opportunity to live a life.  And our choices invariably reveal who we really are.   Our preferences indicate our true character.  Our priorities are the best indicators of our real identity.

What profits success?

I know that many of you out there would go for career on the pretension that after all, you are doing all these for the family.

Many of you, dear readers, would rather become outstanding employees, model personnel instead of being doting fathers or loving husbands.

Many of you would opt to perform exceedingly well in the office even if you work 12 to 16 hours a day, going home only to change clothes or catch a few hours of sleep.

But what for? At the end of the day, what have you accomplished?

What profits a highly successful professional or wealthy businessman if ultimately, he loses his family, wrecks his marriage or dishonors the name he will leave to his children?

What has a rich man accomplished if he has built a fortune and founded conglomerates of highly profitable companies and yet drives his own wife to vices or infidelity, his children to drugs and delinquency and himself to spiritual decay and total burnout?

What matters most?

Look around you. The evidence is overwhelming and irreversible.
Families are shattered.
Marriages are broken.
Lives are reduced to utter emptiness.

Even as man advances in wealth and success, he deteriorates on the basic standards of joy, peace and serenity. As we all compete and struggle for power and possessions, we often neglect what really matters most. In our insatiable mania for supremacy over the rest, we often forget the most important things in life.

I will respect your choice. But as for me, my priorities are clear. Between career and family, I will always go for family.

I can forego that board meeting and earn the ire of my boss or make a bad impression on my peers. But I shall not inflict a lifetime trauma on my son by sending him alone to graduate without his dad. I can forget that business presentation and lose a valued client or waste a career promotion, but I cannot
leave my wife alone in her moments of anxiety.

Meaningless?

Why should a well-known public figure commit suicide given all his fame and fortune? Can his wealth and wisdom compensate for ruptures in his relationships?

Why should a wife of a famous politician commit adultery with the family driver? Is it lust or vain fixation for the pleasures of the flesh? Or is it the pain of being neglected and ignored by the husband she used to adore?

Why should a son cut his wrist or a daughter drink poison despite all the luxuries and pleasures they are showered with?

Can money replace love?
Can pleasure take the place of affections?

In this age of top line technology and convenience gadgets, why are humans talking to computers rather than with each other?
Why are we retrenching people and replacing them with robots and machines?

Why have we lost the simple joys of nurturing relationships with bank tellers because we have replaced them with ATMs?

Why, with all our cells, e-mails, Internets, websites or the endemic texting, are we no longer communicating?
Why are family members no longer talking to each other?

The ultimate hell?

To succeed in career and fail in the family is, to me, the ultimate hell.

John Grisham, that famous author of legal fictions wrote “The Testament,” which tells of a highly successful industrialist who made billions of dollars but lost his family.

In the first 10 pages of the novel, he jumped to his death from his multi-story building in front of his self-centered children.
By his will, he disinherited all of them and bequeathed his entire estate to an illegitimate daughter who refused to accept it.

That is the ultimate irony; those who lusted for money lost it.
Those who were given all the money refused it.

In all his dozen masterpieces, Grisham tells us about the importance of family. “A Time to Kill” tells of a father who went to jail for killing his daughter’s rapists.

Indeed, we who are simple folks should learn from the mistakes of others. We should straighten our lives and put our priorities in order.

I don’t know about you.

But as for me and my house, our credo is: There is no success in a career that can make up for a failure in the family.

By Atty. Josepus Jeminiz