When Love Fades .. .. ..

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s’ voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner my Love?  Chicken,  beef or lamb?”

I said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”

She replied “You’re having soup, asshole. I was talking to the cat!”

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

 

A man was in his death bed and called his wife. With a weak voice he said:

– Honey, come closer, I need to…, confess something!

-No, no!!, answered the woman, relax and keep quiet. You should make no efforts…

– But I need to die in peace! I must confess!

– Alright. 

– The thing is, I went out… with your sister… your mother…, and even your best friend!

– I know, I know. Now be quiet and let the poison work.

 

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

When her friends hired a stripper for her birthday,commediant Mary Pfeiffer realised how much she had changed. The guy started taking his clothes off and asked:

– What are you thinking, love?

– That I’ve been married for too long, because the first thing that came to my mind was “You’re going to get these clothes off the floor won’t you?”

 

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women !!

  How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

 Woman’s Answer:

 One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?

 Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!!

 They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!

 But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!

 IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!

 AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

 I’m sorry. What was the question?

 

Yeah that sounds exactly like me !!! and here’s another one :   Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.”

 She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on – this time on the right feet.

 He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.”

 She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

 No sooner they got the boots off and he said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear ’em.”

 Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

 Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?”

He said, “I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.”

Marriage & Old age; Laughter is the best Medicine

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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. ‘The material  we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be  disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell  me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.
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This old man in his eighties gets up and puts on his coat. His wife says, ‘Where are you going?’ He said, ‘I’m going to the doctor.’And she said, ‘Are you sick?’ ‘No’ he said, ‘I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.’ So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on  her coat. He said,’ Where are you going?’. She said, ‘I’m going to the doctor, too.’ He said, ‘Why?’ She said, ‘If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing, I’m going to get me a tetanus shot.’
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the  Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old  blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and  charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every  word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance,  they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob  replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you  persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies: I told  her I was 90.

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One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her  92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and  ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,  killing him instantly.  Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked
 if she had anything to say in her own defense. ‘Your Honor,’ she began  coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’

On a list diet !!

On July 5th, My husband and I celebrated cherishing 10 beautiful years together, not that it was completely rosy rosy, oh we’ve had our share of turbulence, but I think Allah Swt had a perfect match for me that’s why we sailed thru those nasty rough seas holding eachother thru it all.  Coming from different cultures and up bringing, it still took us sometime to get to know, understand and adjust to each others habits, needs and temperaments.  But its a gradual process and only persistence, patience and compromise can get you thru it.

While we are on the list diet, I was thinking of listing just a few of the things that I am grateful to my Darling husband for :

I’m grateful…

1. That we’re together today and he takes so much pride in me

2.That we stood by eachother thru the most traumatc times financial and emotional including especially the birth of my third baby Eman. 

3.That he always encourages me and has immense confidence in my abilities.  

4. That having him as my best friend, I have never really needed a best friend, He understands me so well.

5. That he’s such a caring dad to Bilal, Sawaab, Eman, Keiki and Pepper 

6. That just having him at home is such a blessing, especially with all the help I get,especially during school mornings

7. That he let me keep first Keiki then Pepper when I found them even though he’s not a cat person and didn’t want them at first.

8. That he loves my cooking as much as he does.

9. That he gets along so well with my family and makes us all laugh with his crazy jokes and understanding,

10. For the beautiful new car he bought me last year.

 11. That even after all these years I have so much fun with him and look forward to his calls and in general just being with him.

12. For all the great talks we have when we make long-distance drives anywhere.

13. That he can still make my stomach flip when I look into his eyes.

14. That he still finds me attractive.

15. That he is my biggest supporter, both financially and emotionally, and has let me stay home to pursue my crazy dream of craft business these past 4 years and has always stood by my side like that for the past 10 years.

~ Truly he is my better half ~